Horrible dream last night, nerve-wracking, anxiety-attack ensuing. Ugh.
One of those dreams you think is real while you're in it, then completely forget upon waking up, only to become re-traumatized while stepping in the shower.
It only recall bits and pieces and I may update later once I have looked into the meanings of some things...From what I can remember of it...
At one point in the dream it occurred to me that I was pregnant. Someone, my mother or boyfriend, I think, mentioned it to me and I looked down and realized my stomach was sticking out a little and was firm. This was very frightening for me because IRL I have been trying to get back into a gym routine and have been worried about my weight, so this made the dream feel more real because my first thoughts were "But I thought it was just a few extra pounds from not going to the gym..." but then I was told/remembered that I had been pregnant for a few months.
At this point I tried to remember when it had happened and I realized that I had known for awhile, I guess? but I had been so busy so I kept putting it off and was going to "deal with it later" or something...I've done this with parking tickets and my 21 days comes and goes and I am in Wonderland, so undoubtedly I thought of this in my dream and started to FREAK THE FUCK OUT, trying to remember when it happened, calculating months, wondering if I was past the point of no return, I can't remember what the verdict was, at one point I thought I had calculated and found out I still had time, but at other points in the dream it seemed like I had no choice.
Also, during this part of the dream my mom and boyfriend were around, my mom was excited, which was strange, also there was another child or something that we were going to adopt? and my mom (or maybe my boyfriend) said something about how this was wonderful, and I would be great at taking care of them.
Meanwhile I am screaming in my head and watching all of my freedom go down the drain...
I then began to think of when I first adopted my cat (this is where the dream connected with reality) and how I adopted her because I love cats, but also because I was seeking some sort of responsibility I guess, even though these last 5 years have been liberating, as I was only really responsible for myself, and being the oldest of three I had grown up taking care of my younger siblings, so college was AMAZING, though the ties with my home-base are strong and even my cocky smart-ass brother will (for the most part) come to the rescue when needed, I am just a phone call away, after all...
Anyway, in my dream I thought of my cat and how after the first week of owning her I began to get a little anxious and worry if it was the right decision, how she tied me to my apartment (though that was a reason for getting her as well, since I hardly spent any time at my old place due to it's shit-holeyness...) and this new place is so nice, so I wanted it to feel like home, like a place I wanted to be in, and a cat builds on that...
Regardless I was panicking, in my dream, remembering the slight sense of trapped-ness after I adopted my cat, and how NOW it wasn't just going to be a slight feeling, it was going to be concrete and real and DOOM.
Ugh.
Other parts of my dream, which occurred later, and I was basically in a completely new dream, with no impending doom or babies, I was following my best friend around this house and there were all these trap doors to go through, we were looking for a room full of books, which is fitting for my darling, as she reads more than anyone I know, there was a trap door I had remembered going through before and I didn't want to use it again because it was very small and I always felt like I was going to get stuck, there was another door my friend said we should take and it was slightly bigger but there was a very frail ladder you had to go down and it was bending under our weight, when we reached the bottom it turned out we were in a thrift store (maybe the Goodwill? which I guess makes sense since we went there the other day IRL) but I started to panic again because I saw a pile of clothes on a table that were MY clothes and I realized they had found some of my clothes and were trying to sell them, they were also mostly things I had purchased in thrift stores...
I have had other pregnancy dreams as well as dreams where I have to fit through small space, and IRL I am not claustrophobic, but maybe I would be in the right situation?
Off to consult the internet on the meaning of dreams...more on this later...
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